I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
