maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
