It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
