The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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