i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
