I seem to have left my pride at pride
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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