Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
