Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
