So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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