Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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