I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I need to calm my uterus...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
