You can't special order awesome
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
It's shark week go big or go home
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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