At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
