so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
How external is "for external use only"?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
