Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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