The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
