Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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