Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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