sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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