Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
