If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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