420 ftw
Someone shit on the floor
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
