check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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