I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
