Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
