i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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