well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
