That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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