im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
