I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
