You can't special order awesome
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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