I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
