just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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