Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
