Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Randomize
