you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
