every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
