ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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