OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
