yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
