your parents love me but you hate me
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
