after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
