my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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