so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
