did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
