Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
