says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
