her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I want a musical about memes.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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