You're completely useless in the revolution.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
