Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
