my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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