you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
